Day 9: When I Knew

you asked me last night when i knew, so this is my attempt to tell you. although, as i sit here thinking about it, i am not sure how much sense i can make to you or myself. i'm going to try, i don't know why it even matters any longer.

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the first day we met wasn't the day we went to the park, at least i don't think it was. i remember walking around, sitting in front of starbucks, sitting on the corner of brea and birch street.

talking of nothing, feeling each other out i guess, even though there was nothing to feel each other out for. we met by mistake, a coincidence i guess, although sometimes i think not.

i met jamie, she left after talking about her archaic phone for a bit. and then we walked more. we didn't really have much meaningful to say, i was "quiet" because i didn't know how to talk to you yet. i was also comfortable not talking to you for whatever reason, just walking was fine. although, i guess it was awkward at times.

either way, it wasn't the first day we met that you and i went to talk at the park.

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it was the second time.

we met because we didn't know where else to go, and you didn't have a car, and it was close to where you were.

we talked about everything that night, i don't think i have ever been more comfortable talking to anyone like that so quickly. we talked about your sister, school, friends, food, drinking, drugs, rape, family in general, your parents, mine, everything.

then officer moon came and told us that the park closed at ten, and i guess we had to leave because we were loitering or something, i don't know. this is where i am lost, this may have come later. i think.

but when we got back to my car, we just sat and talked more, again about everything. what got me? you saw my copy of i am legend and you picked it up, looked at it, and then looked at me. you then asked, "you are reading this?"

i said yes.

you muttered something, i can't remember what, "weird" or "wow", something along those lines. and you looked at me again, and didn't say anything, but there was this look.

i still don't know why, but that look was when i think i started to fall in love with you.

i have never, ever, had someone look at me like that, and just because of a book. i am not saying i loved you that night, i don't think i did, but i think that is when i knew i could.

or that i was starting to.

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then, i am pretty sure that we went up to vantage point together, but again, that could have been after.

don't get freaked out over this blog, it's not my intention to make you feel awkward or whatever. you asked, and for whatever reason, i thought i should answer the best i could.

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ps: i really hope you like one of the three books, they're among my favorites (the stand is).