obviously, i am stealing this idea from you and your xanga, and this post is something i have been thinking of for awhile and constantly push back. a day, a week. whatever, i just was undecided on what to say, why to say it, and for what purpose would it serve.
i still don't know what to say, so there is a good chance that this blog will be a bunch of rambling, but i am going to try to get something out.
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i miss talking to you all the time, even though most of what we ever had to say to each other was through texts. it never mattered, to me it signified that we were still close, still friends. lately though there has been a lot of nothing from you for whatever reason, which in reality, is fine. it's more that there is no reason for it that i can see, and if there was in would be easier for me to just say, "okay, so that's why" and move on. i'm thinking maybe you just ignore, or are busy, or because of sean, or something. i don't know why it bothers me, it does though.
at the same time, i don't want you to feel like you half to... so i don't know. maybe i need reasons for everything too often, and maybe that is what really is bothering me. maybe i just wish we were closer. i know that you keep saying you can tell me things, or are comfortable telling me things, you don't really say to others, so i keep wondering why we aren't.
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my tattoos are hopefully next month.
sign of the white:
the eye of the crimson king:
i really can't wait. i was putting it off until i wrapped up all the king books, and i am pretty much done after four past midnight.
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i read your xanga, and what you said about chris... it made me think, what if it's the same with us? i don't know, i am not good with saying things about friendships, because i think a lot of the time i am better off for it. most of the friendships i have had end abruptly have been a decision i have made for myself. i needed to remove myself from a situation... i wouldn't be better of without being friends with you. i told teal awhile back, 2008 maybe, that i thought you had saved my life just by understanding me. it's hard to explain that, i am also not doing so here, but...
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that first mix you made me, it still is me. i didn't know so many of the songs on it. not really knew, you know? but i am listening to it right now as i am reading the langoliers and it is me. i still wonder what made you pick the songs you did, and what they mean to you. i don't know why, i just do.
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i don't know where this is going, i wish i did, but i don't think i can really say anything else. i do love you, i miss you, and i wish i saw you more. i guess that's all i need to say.
-chris
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