Day 25: With a Baby

i have this friend, obviously a couple of the people reading this will know who it is, others will not.

she recently broke up with her boyfriend (finance? i was never sure about this), and that is what made us start talking again. i say "start talking again" because i have known her for longer than anyone i know in brea, but we sort of grew apart (although amicably) over the intervening years.

so, now we are talking pretty consistently, about more or less everything, and that makes me happy. what i am worried about is the situations that may arise, those which have already arisen, and bits and pieces of our pasts.

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past first i guess:  i used to have a huge crush on this girl, in fact, some people still make jokes about just how big of a crush. early in our teen years (so odd to say that) we had a thing, but those things don't every really mean much the older you get, the more experienced (or less so), and things just float away.

yet, i always wondered, constantly, what could have (would have probably) if things didn't happen that made it stop... so pasts.

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she has a baby with someone who was once in my "group" of friends, and while i never really got close to this person, it still makes me feel guilty that i am so easily taking her side in the whole break up thing than i should. what's worse is that i get texts from her saying things of the "wish you were here" type, when in reality i don't really wish i was anywhere near that. i want to be friends again, yes, but am not willing to get involved with anything that could have lasting repercussions on my close friends. also, her decisions of late have been amazingly petty, trying to create drama, jealousy, and what not for the sake of pissing off her ex.

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so i come (through a rambling forest of my thoughts obviously) to the point of this blog.

i do want to become friends with her, i do miss being close to her. yet, there are so many things that she has said, that she does, that she undoubtedly do, that i just can't agree with. it seems that her baby, toddler, mean less than the little war she has started with the father of that child.

i keep my mouth in check, i don't say anything that i shouldn't, and while i support her breakup with the guy, i cannot support the drama she continues to pursue.

the baby, to me, has become a pawn in some chess game. it bothers the hell out of me that she is so willing to start fucking around with other guys so soon after a breakup with the father of her child.

i just keep thinking that she should be a mother now, and stop worrying about creating this web of hate around her: her son is bound to see it even at his age.

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this blog is just nonsense, just venting, so sorry if it doesn't really flow right.